Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in bigblah's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, December 30th, 2006
2:55 pm	Where's my snowman? I was watching the news and politicians, with all their wisdom, enacted a law that fines drivers for having a passenger inside the trunk. Drivers in San Francisco are fined a 100 dollars for the first offense, 200 dollars for the second offense and a discounted 250 dollars for the third offense. Considering that passengers in the trunk of cars are usually dead, is this really necessary? I see that the politicans up in city hall have taken care of the homeless, the budget deficiet, and all other pressing issues before arriving at this decision. Someone's laughing it up up there. Before I continue, I'd like to point out the obvious; I'm a horrible writer. Writer's confidence: 0. Although the resolutions of the former year have been all but forgotten, unfulfilled, abandonded, and generally useless, I think I've accomplished something this year. The same time last year, I was no where as content as I am now, minus the swollen beaver cheeks. I was no where as fulfilled and grateful as I am now. Not only that, but I can pinpoint the exact thing that made the difference. My lovely Rita is my life. That something missing feeling that I've felt last year is gone. I'm not looking for anything anymore; she was missing link. The last week has been such a blast too. I loved walking with you to UCSF in the crisp sunny afternoon air with your hand in mine. It felt like magic. (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 16th, 2006
12:35 am	blah I think bleh sums up my first semester. I feel a bit disappointed on my chem final and I have no idea about my standings in Lit. Other than that, there's nothing to complain about. It was a smooth transition, a little too smooth... I have yet to pull an all nighter, although I was close to doing so, and I have yet to touch caffine/advil/sugar laiden concoction/a clean set of clothes. Let us compile another list of atypical habits I've picked up or learned in my melodramatic journey that is college: -acceptable places to jerk off are in the shower and the dorm room, with or without your roommate in the same room. -presentable clothes are the bane of my existence; sweats, pseudo shoes(sandals or soxes), and hoodies should hold precedence over any other artical of clothing. Clothes and underwear can be reworn. -showers are optional Here's another list that I need to cut short because my eyes hurt. I think I'm going off 4 hours of sleep today for no good reason. And I did absolutely nothing today and I feel accomplished. I hope this feeling lasts, although it never does because two weeks from now, I'll be complaining about having nothing to do. Oh how I torture thyself (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 24th, 2006
11:15 pm	I miss you so much =( I can't believe just not having you on the other line is so hard. Am I hopelessly attached to you? Call me or talk to me or IM me. soon. I miss you baby (1 Comment |Comment on this)
4:02 pm	RITA!! HEY RITA! I have something to tell you I love you. I'm sorry for getting mad at you. And for the life of me, I can't figure out how to get bigger fonts. (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 14th, 2006
3:09 pm	It feels like something else Have you ever tried listening to music when you're feeling drowsy and on the verge of losing consciousness? It feels like you're listening to music on a whole different level. Music doesn't sound the same, feel the same when your mind is occupied. It becomes nothing more than static background noise when I'm doing my work. There are times when songs run to completion and I'll have no idea what was just played. Everything changes when you have eyes closed, head planted on the desk, an exhausted mind that's void of thoughts, and headphones plugged in. The music becomes so vivid and you'll stop missing the subtleties within songs. The clearity of thought that accompanies is refreshing as well because it just feels like there's music then there's your consciousness with your body slumped over the desk. Unfortunately, this never lasted me very long because I usually drop off into a sleep afterwards. Just an observation I wanted get down. I think it's been 3 weeks into college and I think I compiled a working list of things I've learned thusfar. -First and foremost, Stay ontop of your workload! There's a reason why you're here and it's not to fuck around with people whom you think might be your best man. In this huge piece of bureaucracy, it's unlikely you're going to meet your bestfriend/soulmate/hand twin in your first year so it's best to leave socializing after you've straiten your shit out. I have a lab partner, Arthur, who was telling me how he missed the last three lectures of chem because he was hanging out with his buddy. So not only is he jeapordizing his scores, but my scores too because he won't have a clue about what's going on during the labs. But with that aside, he's a bright person coming here on his own from a working class family in SoCal. Did I mention that he was the first Latin person I've seen in berkeley? -Meeting new people that you can cick with is hard. I know I haven't met anyone who I would call a good friend here, just a bunch of aquitances that you eat with or hang with. I still haven't found people that I can call a friend because everyone still inthat enthusiastic first week of college mode where they want to keep everything civil and keep the conversation subject PC. But what I can say is that I've gotten to know more about the people who came from lincoln, which was the exact opposite attitude I came in with. The up side of having friends from your high school is that they'll feed you information about things you don't get in class and keep quiet when you don't need them because there's no need to utter bullshit to fill that awkward silence. They're good people to have around. -Stay away from early classes like the plague or fat bitches or chuck norris. It's hell having your body kick in the morning when you sleep at 1+ A.M. You only end up either resting your eyes during lecture, which is worse when the subject matter is boring. And it's fucking cold in the morning. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, September 11th, 2006
11:27 pm	Shit I think I've found my soulmate Damn, I think I'm in love. I'm at a lost for words. Other than, I hope this bitch is still selling herself. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, September 8th, 2006
8:22 pm	Can't believe it's almost 7 months. It's too bad that we don't get to spend the day together. It's too bad we don't get to spend a lot of days together. I still want to see you even after spending most of the day with you. I still think about you in class- and the lectures are interesting too! But I don't know, I hate feeling that we're at each other's throats all the time. We're not perfect people and we have the best of intentions for each other so why can't we let things slide. I guess there's a difference between being understanding and being taken as a fool and intention should be the deciding factor. I'm typing in the dark because Chang is tucked snuggly in bed by EIGHT oclock on a FRIDAY night. We're not on Korean time homeboy. But I'm lucky have him as a roommate even though we don't have much in common and I don't think I'll be expecting him to be the best man or priest at my wedding. We're considerate towards each other and we share a lot of our stuff. I hate the couple down the hall who constantly bicker all the time. You know, junvile stuff like 'stop touching my shit', bring pent up emotions about what they did to each other back in junior year and slamming the door on the other roommate, or that's what I gather from my room because i can hear them through these walls. And they're the most oddly matched couple I've seen. There's one huge white spanish guy and a short ass asian kid with a bowl shaped hair cut who constantly wears a headphone. And I suspect that it's that big spanish white guy who stinks up the bathroom. No he doesn't go for the normal farts that passes within a minute or two, he goes for the ubiquitous bombshell of a stink that lingers in there for god knows how long. Gah I hear them again. This mother fucker has a huge booming deep voice that can be heard by everyone on the floor. This wouldn't be a problem if they would just shut their door. I mean who the hell do they expect to come into their rooms? I usually see the two with a headphone on staring at the computer and the other watching that flatscreen of theirs. Bitches. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 5th, 2006
4:07 pm	Stress There's something about college that stresses me out. I think this feeling stems from the fact that I'm just an ordinary person amongst people who are at the top of their class. It's this feeling of being average that is discouraging and fustrating. I guess it's the stark contrast between knowing where I stood back in high school and this ambigious placement in college that complicates matters. For all I know I could be on the bottom of the curve or doing just fine. This ambiguity is stressing me out. I wish I had a more solid background in chemistry and literature before I came here so atleast I have some sense of security during my first semester. But that would defeat the whole purpose of me being here, right? Yea right, this is just another step for grad school. After all, aren't we here to grow up a little, gain more knowledge of something beyond our microcosm of the world, and get to know ourselves a little more? No, that's my naive list of things I want to take away from college. So far I haven't done any of that and it doesn't seem like I will get a chance to because performing well in class has such a tight grasp on me. I was never one to settle for anything less and apparently that'll stand in my way. I think this is why any mention of grad school is just a second thought because I think I'll become too fixated on getting the right gpa, getting the right amount of extra curricular activities, studying until you get the right score from whatever test they have. I don't want to be trapped in that cycle again, but here we are. I think I'm pretty ontop of things as of now, but the pressure of knowing I could have studied more still gets to me. And I'm not catching any breaks from anyone or anything. I don't think I'm going to be happy here. We'll see. Another thing, ever since I got here, I've been feeling a little sick. I always have to fart and use the restroom and my stomach hurts. And I'm tired all the time. I'm too tired to even care that I start sentences with 'And'. With that said, I need to go do this online quiz of theirs. Oh yea, facebook has a new stalker function. It gives way too much information about another person- everything from who they friended or who they commented. (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 27th, 2006
5:09 pm	Lets talk college- the nonfun, shit hits the fan, smack in the face part I think I might be in trouble for chemistry because as I look through the lecture notes, everything looks for foreign. I'm at a lost of any grasp of the fundamentals such as moles. I think chem would be a class that I'm gonna need to work extra hard at because not only do I need to learn the material at hand, but also the basics behind it. Reality is hitting and it's harsh. I think I should have had a harder chem teacher that would drill some of these concepts into me because everything is a blur. I don't have the comfort of having done and known the material. On top of that, we don't know how to register our transmitters (used to give out points for participation/attendance), which means we'll be missing out some free points and it's not even our fault because we need to know who is our GSIs in order to register our transmitters. Damn I hate this sytem. Everything is up in the air. Fuck chem (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 13th, 2006
8:45 pm	Onto Property I think that one aspect of high school that won't be seen in college would be the trust in your peers concerning your school work or rather how readily you're willing to entrust someone else. Obviously, this is due in part because there's hundreds of people in a lecture hall as opposed to a room full of thirty students. It is so much easier to trust a peer with your school work in high school because the teacher is overlooking everyone and everyone knows everybody, thus it's practically impossible to steal someone's idea and run with it as your own. If the teacher cares enough to notice that someone else has exactly the same thesis as another, implying that one cheated off the other, he/she will try to get to the bottom of it and you're relatively safe. But in college and I'm basing this off of impressions, you're on your own. If you let a peer proof read your work and he/she decides to steal it as his/her own, it's gone and he/she will get the credit. I guess this wouldn't matter to me that much if our class didn't have such a close network in class. I remember nights before essays were due when I wouldn't hessitate to pull up my aim list and send over a copy of my essay for someone to read over and give back thoughful feedback. It was a very nice and comforting network to have, people would just let their essays roam free amongst their peers and having their ideas stolen were the last things on their minds simply because it would never happen. Of course that'll have to change when college arrives, you just have to keep your guard up. There's a whole realm of people waiting for an easy meal. While we were volunteering a few weeks back, I remember Tarbrush telling us about the cut throat nature of college. Another one of his life's lession. Don't ask me about his name, he told me it was a two beer question so I guess I'll find out when I hit 21. Apparently two Stanford students working on their masters in buisness were hired by the park service to manage what everyone was doing. Before these two students arriver here, this other person, I think her name was susan, was working a project that consisted of creating a large data table of exactly what work had to be done every single day for the next 5 or so years. The details were down to every single task that were to be done on the pier and each task was color coded for priority. Of course, she spent several months on the project. (around 3-4) Well then the Stanford students come into the picture and literarily STOLE her data table and only added a 'comments' column and renamed it "Steve's table". She was basically screwed of any credit for working on this project and what could she do about it? Steve was her boss. You just have to be on guard about your intellectual property, not only for college, but in life. (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 10th, 2006
8:10 pm	I'm beginning to really enjoy the perks of having a laptop. As I write this passage, I'm lying on my bed. No more having to leave the bed... ever. After spending about two weeks with this laptop, let me write an impromtu review of this Dell Inspiron E1505. Well lets start with the price. Simply put, Dell offered the most components for relatively the least amount of money so I ran with it. Spending about $950, this laptop came well equipped although the build quality could have been better. I suppose that the cost had to be cut somewhere and that somewhere came from the case. Some complaints are that I can feel/see some visible flex on the screen and the buttons for the touchpad feel cheap and 'plasticy'. Otherwise, the case feels suprisingly sturdy and the keyboard is nice and stiff with limited amount of travel in the key stroke- the way I like it. From the reviews that I've read about the laptop, I thought that I would be disappointed by the keyboard, but I wasn't. It feels just right- easy to type fast on without errors from hitting stray keys. Problems: One problem that I was experiencing came from the intel pro/wireless network card that kept disconnecting me while I was online. However, this problem was remedied by installing the latest network card driver and unchecking the option that allows windows to turn off the card when power reserves are low. Aside from this problem, the network card picks up signals really well, other people's signals really well, which is the kind of pick up I like. Another problem of this laptop, which is more inherent than the former, was that this thing runs hot, very hot, too hot to even place on my lap without having something placed over it as a barrier. I guess this defeats the whole point of a laptop. I guess the consolation comes from the fact that this thing is fast, really fast. It can run an antivirus scan while I'm off doing something else and I won't even notice it. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm a sucker for marketing, but damn I'm starting to like the idea of having duo cores (two cpus running simultaneously). Oh yea, this sound card doesn't have BASS! What the hell is musiak without BASS?!? What the fuck, that was the largest disappointment. Regrets: In retrospect, I should have gone with the Geforce go video card and a larger hard drive at a higher rpm. I should have maybe gotten a sound card too. Overall, I'm satisfied. Although I would have liked to have gone with an Alienware (I'll admit I'm a brand whore in this subject), I'm beginning to really like the Dell. PS. It matches my Ipod and cell phone. Solid grays with white trip. PSS. (And most important of all) I love you, Rita, my <3er. =) It's almost here, I can't believe it! I'd love to see you that night. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
4:19 pm	I ditched Life and Fate for The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. Life and Fate was basically a composite of different narratives from different prespectives (ie. soldiers recounting their time in the frontlines of Russia defending against the german offensive, a upper-middle family, which is rooted in science, mainly physics, experiences before and after WWII, the peculiar conditions of the German concetration camps, etc. That was as far as I've gotten). I didn't particularly like this book because the pacing was excruciatingly slow and I didn't like the fact that it was composed of so many different stories. I guess I'm the type who likes to be immersed in one story and follow it through to the end. One thing that struck me about this novel was its description of the concentration camps, especially the mindsets of the prisioners. In sort, the book describes the camp as working like clockwork, not because of guards acting as the external forces through which the prisioners were manipulated, but it was the prisioners themselves who maintained the camp. The so called 'orderlies' were prisioners who were given the duties of the guards and had actual guards who overlooked them of course. The 'orderlies' were the one who managed the camp. The book goes as far as stating the the concentration camp would have ran just as efficiently as if the actual guards were absent. The book delves into the mindset of one of the orderly who does appear to be a good person, but is void curiously of resentment. In the background, there was plenty of discussion of socialism by the prisioners, an idiology for which they were imprisioned for some reason. I think was a pretty important theme in the book but I didn't pay attention to a large chunk of what I've read thusfar. Onto The year of Magical Thinking I'm beginning to really like this book. In addition to an easy read (I don't have to remember Russian names), it scrapes the surface of a person's physhology who loses her husband to a coronary. It basically follows a woman who tries to make sense of the whole ordeal as she tries to return to her life without her significant other. (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 30th, 2006
9:15 pm	Do you ever say 'I love you, I love you, Rita' aloud quietly while hugging a pillow when no one is around? I do. (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 23rd, 2006
11:42 am	Trees are ugly So I'm staying home today after missing yet another ride down to sausalito with the guys because I'm still sick and coughing up greenish phlegm like there's no tomorrow. My trash can looks like a hardwood swamp. It's freaking hot here so what the hell am I doing with a cold? I think I'm falling way behind in not only endurance but speed too when it comes to riding with the guys. Unless they were hammering like crazy yet manage to not noticably breathe or die for that matter, I'm way off their pace because I was ready to drop dead after riding with those skinny-ass track bitches. Atleast my beloved TV is here for me. After some odd weeks, I finally finished my summer reading book. I feel accomplished. I'll talk more about it later because time is running out until my deadline =(. I hrt Rita because Rita is my cupcake. (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 15th, 2006
8:47 pm	Road trippin' Blue you sit so pretty West of the one Sparkles light with yellow icing Just a mirror for the sun Just a mirror for the sun Just a mirror for the sun Red Hot Chili Peppers Before I recount our road trip to Gilroy, also known as the terrestrial oven where a step outside of the air conditioned anything, because everything there IS air conditioned apparently, you're blasted in the face with hot air that also has the uncanny ability to make body parts and clothing to adhere. I'm so glad I'm out of that heat hole. Another side note, I'm so tired of Dani Californication. It's getting on my nerves. Last side note, doctors should not try to revive interrogation suspects when working around Jack Bauer. Yes, they just told him everything about the nuclear bomb/nerve gas/other miscellaneous threat to the world that he/she knows. Yes, they always gasp for their last breath of air before blacking out and convinently leave out information about where to find that nuclear bomb/nerve gas/other miscellaneous threat to the world before dying, leaving Bauer, Jack Bauer, on another wild goose chase for the next interrogation suspect in the span of 24 hours. What I'm trying to get at here is that, no, doctors should not attempt to revive these suspects because they served their purpose. It's disheartening seeing those apathetic-faced doctors ie. extras fruitless try to use that two handed electric thing that goes on their chest to revive them. So here's a few things that I've learned about a roadtrip with friends. -Althought we didn't do this because the song wasn't on his ipod, the last song that should mark the arrival to your intended destination should be Phantom Planet- California. Just hear me out and picture it now, ugly green toyota camry rolling along at 80 miles per hour with tinted windows down and ridiculously pale arms hanging out and to top it off, the vocalist from Phantom Planet smoothly singing along the guitar cords We've been on the run Driving in the sun Looking out for #1 California here we come Right back where we started from Hustlers grab your guns Your shadow weighs a ton Driving down the 101 California here we come Right back where we started from California Here we come -Though passengers sitting next to the windows get more resting area, they are subject to the centifical force of automobile's turn. ie. everyone in the back seat squeezes the person next to the door opposite the direction of the turn. This is especially unpleasant if the fai zai of the group or anyone else for that matter sweats during their term in the heat hole. Add to that, there were four people in the back. I was a door side passenger. -Driver should not be semi-sleepy and have an offensive driving style. You know some people who tend to drive defensively and look out for potential danger? Doug is an offensive driver. There were too many people mugging at us after they were cut off. -Where the hell were all the garlic fries in Gilroy? But I'll settle for garlic ice cream, it wasn't bad at all expect for the breathe part. The woman who runs the garlic shop is a bitch. Did i mention that she was fat too? Yeah, she's a fat bitch. You don't need to give attitude to your customers if they're confused when they ask for garlic ice cream and they're confused when you reply with vanilla or chocolate. For the record, I wasn't the one who was confused. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 5th, 2006
6:30 pm	What's more productive than slamming your dick in the door? Boredom is setting in and I can only hang out with the same people doing the same things (ie. halo, bowling) without dying a little inside. And being unproductive isn't what it's all cracked up to be, although I'll be desperately craving for it during the school year. So.... let's figure out this summer. -Start volunteering at the pier or UCSF(T-W) -Knock off a few books on the reading list (The Year of Magical Thinking, Life and Fate, Manufacturing Consent, reread of Bone) -Bike atleast two days a week (M, Thurs) and get back in touch with my biking buddies- although both of them seem to be hooking up with girls so it'll probably be hard getting them on free days The list is a work in progress. I'm debating whether to look for jobs because i have only a little more than a month left and although I could be wrong, it would affect my financial aid because my scholarship isn't based on a fix amount so the an increase in student or parent contribution will decrease the financial aid contribution. And looking for jobs is hard.... While we are on lists, I need to take care of these things in preparation for college. -Buy a beater bike (perferably vintage Lemond or Bianchi) Whoring craigslist isn't getting me any good finds and the good ones are ALWAYS sold before I even search. They should take those listings down because they just stand as reminders as to what I could have had. -Buy a laptop -Buy linens -Buy graphing calculator You know that Friends episode when Joey and Chandler are trying to pick up women with a Ross' baby and they lose the baby on the bus? Well they ended up at the lost and found for the bus company and I can't believe that so many people lose their babies that the bus company managed to erect an entire room full of baby cribs. (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 2nd, 2006
8:30 pm	On stuff I love how we still browse through postsecret together and find those interesting little tid bits that the postcards have that better connect us, like our shared commonality with the dumps one =P. I'm convinced that we won't be able to hit up the entire list of things to do for this summer. I enjoy spending time with you so much during our any of our activities that we listed that I can't wait to go back and do it all over again. Oh, and today, I absolutely love lounging around with you in Ikea amongst the plethora of older couples who were actually had intentions of buying things. It makes me realize that we still have our entire lives to look forward to and eases any fustration with our time constraints. Oh yea and walking around those perfect household rooms that are nearly impossible to replicate in the homes of us mere mortal non-metros that wear tight clothes and have a innate zest for fashion and interior designs(like the guy in rush hour 2 before they entered the casino), I can't stop hugging you and holding your hand. I loooooove being close to you. You're such an adorable and lovely person. And I love dining with you and just talking about anything. Being with you is like.... magic. We should definately make another date and lounge around some more because theres a ton of other stores down the street. Oh yea, i just remembered that we bought a dozen krispy kreme donuts a few days ago. And guess what, they're all gone when i asked where they were! My mom ate them all. I'll talk about calso another time. Rita dearest, I love you. (Comment on this)
Monday, June 26th, 2006
10:05 am	Collection of thoughts.. .. because it's summer and it would be a crime to form structured entries I like the smell of brain humus Don't you feel that your brain atrophies during the summer? I think I have a severe case in that I lost my capacity for attentive retention- I can't even read wikipedia or somethingawful without having to distract myself. I might have developed a case of ADD through my lack of reading/productivity/not watching TV during summer- no, during the this last year. I have no idea how, but I hope I'll still be able to function when college rolls around. I missed Infineon Jeff gordon won. It's nice being able to see those guys turn right for a change. Oh yea, gordon is my favorite because i saw him on a cereal box and i knew then, this guy can drive. I was right. (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 18th, 2006
11:19 pm	I love you. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 13th, 2006
11:32 pm	Rita was right..... again The senior dinner/dance was a blast and you were right, if there was any dance to go to, it would be the senior dance. DJ Hilltop played great music and only what, 3 songs were rap and the rest were a diverse mix of genres unlike what the prom DJ had. Unfortunately, the song they played wasn't eve 6, but friends forever *heave figurative stomach contents*, but even that capital infraction to all that represents good music is forgiven because we were all hugging each other during the song. We danced almost nonstop throughout the whole night and finished off with the aforementioned orgy of hugs. One thing that struck me during the dance was that I didn't have the feeling of loss or even care about losing some of my friends- atleast not to the same degree as I've felt at the beginning of senior year. And there's a reason to my apathetic attitude towards seperation and not because I'll nonetheless keep in touch with my closest friends, but because I have something else to look forward to or should I say someone. And that reason is you Rita. I love you dear, I love you so much. (Comment on this)